Oh, Mr. Armitage, you have done it now. Challenging us to come up with a Thorin cocktail, are you out of your mind? Dude, I can barely type the word but you asked nicely so I guess I'm in.
See, the thing about cocktails (you'll have to excuse my inner twelve-year-old snickering in the background) is that I don't take them seriously. I only ever drank the ones with vaguely suggestive names. Or disgusting ones, like Brains. Bloody Brains? Even better! I either drink Bourbon or Yeungling.
However, you did ask nicely, so here goes. I haven't come up with a name for it yet but I'm sure I'll think of something.
1. Pour a shot of Goldschlager. Watch the gold flakes with such intensity that you scare those around you. Move on.
2. In a tall glass over ice mix gin and the Blood of Your Enemies. Every. Single. One. Orc? Yes. Dragon? Yes. That chick who stood you up for prom? Okay, maybe not her, she probably didn't survive Smaug in the first place. Add a dash of the Disapproval of Elves (or bitters, your choice) and garnish with an Elk antler.
3. Look at that mess. Get really hacked off and throw it all on the floor.
4. Pay for damages.
5. Order the glass of wine you wanted to begin with.
So there it is. Still no name yet but I'm open to suggestions. Anyone? I'll split the prize if I win. What is the prize, anyway?