Sunday, November 10, 2013

Defending Ashton Kutcher

A lot of the time my post titles are really snarky but this time it's exactly what it says on the tin. I am, in fact, devoting a post to defending an actor I've never met. I'm not so much in Kutcher Protection Mode as I am just tired of watching people get judged.

Kutcher made a fantastic and heartfelt speech at the Teen Choice Awards a couple of months ago and if you haven't seen it, trust me, it's worth it. What irritates me is that whenever I see it reposted on Facebook or wherever there's always a disclaimer that implies that Kutcher is the last person the poster expected to have Deep Thoughts.

Why? Because he's pretty?

Kutcher is a guy who has walked a path that, if you're smart, you'll pray to whatever you hold holy that you won't ever have to follow. It's better to read this as a straight news story so when you get a chance look up an alleged serial killer named Michael Gargiulo, the so-called Hollywood Ripper. Frankly I'm impressed that Kutcher gets out of bed in the morning and stands upright, let alone makes speeches like that to thousands of people.

It's so easy to judge people who have what we think we want, be it a Hollywood actor or the guy down the street with the new car or the woman at work with the corner office. Did I prick your conscience? Good. You don't know what price they paid to get to that place. Everybody carries a burden. Be careful you're not making someone else's heavier.

13 comments:

  1. No idea what's going on with Ashton Kutcher, but I'm going to look for that video, because I'm intrigues.

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    1. The speech itself is very common sensical but it's very much tailored to the audience. What pushes my buttons is the assumption that he's just a piece of window dressing.

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  2. I did not know the Michael Gargiulo story. I think the main thing I associate Kutcher with is his relationship with Demi Moore. I can't remember seeing anything among the main work listed in the first para of his wikipedia entry although I'd read that he'd succeed Charlie Sheen on that show (which I saw once with Sheen and didn't care for). So I'm not in his target audience, but I was impressed when I saw that speech, although my immediate reaction was a little different than the one you specify. I appreciate how popular he is in the preteen and teen demographic and someone needs to be saying that to teenage girls every single day, and I'm impressed that Ashton Kutcher is one person who's saying it, because he's a guy, and because he's the object of so much young desire and thus listened to, and mostly, frankly, because he doesn't have to. I wonder if experiences in his relationship with the Moore girls influenced this at all -- seeing up close how the press toward beauty affects young women.

    Speaking candidly, my kneejerk reaction to the fact that he was the one saying this was not the one you specify but puts me in just as bad a light as it involved a judgment (albeit a different one) based on his appearance / popularity. I think social media encourage us to blurt out our thoughts the minute we have them, which is sometimes / often unfortunate. Most of us do not realize how we "sound" on social media in the same way we do if we spoke in real life. Probably most people who have the reaction you specify would certainly acknowledge your point if they thought for a few more moments. I also think, given the level of persiflage directed at Kutcher, there's a certain segment of people who'd never click on a link with his name (I am one of them), so saying, "I didn't expect this from him" is also a way of saying "this is worth viewing, against expectations." I am pretty sure that's why I clicked on it -- because someone said, "wow, deep thoughts from a source I didn't expect them from."

    As to the "burden" question -- yes. But this is such a hard point to understand. Before my mother got sick, I'd tell students with sick parents that of course their feelings were running rampant but they also needed not to lose track of their own priorities. Once my mother was sick, I learned what a stupid thing that was to say and how stupid it was. And that was with people I could actually see and speak to. The issues w/social media (that we only hear ourselves speaking, and don't see others reactions to what we might say) complicate the problem of empathy. I just got a tweet about "how love just is" in reaction to my latest post from a person who read the post and obviously did not realize that a platitude was not called for in that situation, nor that what she was saying went well beyond annoying. She was trying to be empathetic.

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  3. Rereading this post today I realize that the comment that triggered it hit me square in my "don't mess with my roommate" button. I had roommate a long time ago who is an actor and who was and is traffic stoppingly good looking. He's also one of the deepest people I know but I can't count the times that he'd try to open a meaningful conversation with someone only to be met with some variation of "why are you worrying your pretty head about that?" Just last week on FB he asked for parenting advice on a particular issue he's having with his daughter and he was told by at least one person "You're an actor, just lie." So maybe it's L I'm feeling protective of but my point stands. If you ( general you) are making a snap judgement like that about someone else you need to check your own assumptions.

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  4. Servetus commented again but because I'm doing this from my phone I accidentally deleted it so here's what she had to say and my respinse follows in another comment.

    "So my question is -- when do we begin to extend sympathy to people who make snap judgements, assuming they regret them? Because I totally make snap judgements. I've just been taught not to trumpet them until I can think about them some more. Note -- I'm not defending the judgement itself or the practice. I'm asking about the person."

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  5. And my answer is as soon as they make the judgement. Everyone is worthy of compassion. This doesn't mean, though, that they shouldn't be called out for it.

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  6. I hadn't seen or heard of this. I really respect his honesty and what he was done. Too bad there were detractors, that message is something very powerful for those in their teens and twenties. It's too bad that people think he's really "Kelso," I would imagine that did more damage for his intellectual reputation than being a pretty face. "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks," so he must have a good heart and mind. :-)

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    1. What actually tripped my trigger was a comment that he wasn't a dumbass like Kelso after all. You know, like Sylvester Stallone isn't really a boxer.

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    2. Wow. People don't get the whole concept of acting. Very sad and kind of scary.

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  8. Years ago, I was at Barnes & Noble (The Grove) with friends and perusing a table of books. Next to me was a couple who were deep in conversation about something important. It had something to do with how the man felt he was being perceived and stuff like that. I know I was eavesdropping but they were right next to me and he was quite passionate about what he was saying. When I turned around to look for my friends, they were right behind a shelf all looking at me (or actually behind me), as were other patrons of the store. When I turned to look at what they were all looking at, it was Ashton and Demi. This was right before they went public with their relationship (I know - this was awhile back).

    But that incident forever stamped in my mind how intelligent Ashton was and is (Demi hardly said anything, or I didn't hear her since she was mostly listening to him) so I'm never surprised about things he does or says. Besides being an actor, he's a producer and a shrewd investor but sometimes all people see is the pretty face. And it's really their loss.

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  9. I agree with everything you've said here. People have such a hard time letting go of their preconceived notions of beauty or what a person must be like in order to do a certain thing. Take my beloved Weird Al for a second. He graduated as Valedictorian of his class in high school and had skipped two grades. He studied Architecture at Cal Polytech. He is a lot of things but stupid is not among them but the number of people who think he is takes my breath away.

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  10. In further defense of Kutcher:

    http://www.salon.com/2013/11/20/ashton_kutcher_vs_wal_mart_epic_twitter_clash_rages_over_poverty_wages/

    I don't know how to make the link into a hyperlink but it's in Salon.com of November 20th.

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