Thursday, December 19, 2013

Free Speech For Me But Not For Thee, Or The Time Jazzy Went Nat Hentoff On The Fandom

First things first: I will not be taking down my previous post. I am not part of Armitage's PR team and that photo is their problem to deal with if they choose to do so and if it becomes a problem for his image. He doesn't read my blog anymore than he reads yours and if you are blogging to get that, to get his attention, then you and I are coming from two different places to begin with.

At no point in my original post did I say that I took that photo personally. It did hit me viscerally and that's a different thing. The list of things I cannot look at or listen to exists for my own protection because they provoke a panic response in me. Fic writers who I respect include trigger warnings when they deal with subject matter that could be problematic for some readers. They don't have to do that but they have the sensitivity to recognize that they are in community with their audience. There is a huge difference between a writer saying, "I'm tackling drug abuse and this piece contains a scene where the main character shoots smack," and a member of that writer's audience saying, "You shouldn't write that to begin with." Of course they should have the freedom to write it. If it happens as part of the human condition it's valid subject matter.

Community in general and this community in particular have always been my main concern from the beginning of this blog. I am not in community with Richard Armitage anymore than I am in community with anyone involved with Dead Poet's Society. When Neil took the gun out of his dad's drawer I panicked so hard I ran out of the theatre and threw up in the lobby. The movie remains an important exploration of freedom of expression and the relationship between Neil and his father, who views him as property and an extension of his own ego, rings unbearably true. I'm not saying the filmmakers shouldn't have made it, I'm saying I couldn't handle that scene.

I am, however, in community with you. Within moments of that photo set being Tweeted it was all over other blogs, Facebook and Tumblr. That's the way this community functions and I'm fully aware of that. The community became unsafe for me and my only option is to withdraw from it. It isn't anyone's fault, it just is. I don't expect anyone in this fandom to accomodate me and you're welcome to find it hilarious. I reserve the right to think you're a shitty human being for finding it hilarious. That's the way adulthood works, I get to make my own decisions and draw my own boundaries. While it sucks for me that I have to draw a boundary around a community that I've enjoyed being in it is my responsibility in terms of my own self-care to do that. I may be the only person saying it publicly but based on email that I've gotten this week I'm not alone in that.

You are welcome to care or not but I want to make one thing crystal clear and this will involve a couple of swears so if you're squeamish look away. This fandom praises Richard Armitage to the skies for the sensitivity and the accuracy of his portrayal of Lucas North's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. If you can do that and then turn around and chastize me or anyone else who had a panic attack when that photo was posted then you're a fucking idiot and the person with the reality issue isn't me.

17 comments:

  1. Haven't seen the picture you're referring to here either, so I don't know what this is about either. I read the blog post you're referring to, so I know this post is in reference of that, but I guess it was about some kind of RA picture that was in very poor taste? I don't think suicide is a funny topic in general. It doesn't exactly inspire comedy. :(

    Dead Poets Society is one of my all time favourite films.

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    1. Robin Williams was brilliant in that movie. Thanks for commenting, Trax.

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    2. Very underrrated dramatic actor. Love him.

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    3. He wasn't that popular in my country...for us he is Mrs.Doubtfire :) He is such a nice guy..good soul.. I admire him even more for his action toward his best friend Christopher Reeve .

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  2. Really well put. I think it's just something we all have to learn -- we don't get to determine how other people feel. Only they get to do that. Your feelings are your feelings and when you take responsibility for them and draw the necessary conclusions, good for you!

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  3. If people only read a little more closely. I think the original post said what you meant. So, a new message came out. I think his PR people might have had a hand in his using his message this year for purposes you suggested. Subtle and very, very indirect, but it may be there.

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    1. I wouldn't and don't read too much into it. It was definitely a kindness. Thank you for yoyr support this week.

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    2. @Servetus Exactly. You own you and I'll own me. (not sure why these are out of order; might be that I'm awake at 1:30AM making shortbread cookies because my daughter forgot to mention the immigration project she has due tomorrow)

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  4. Thank you for your important posts, jazzbaby1. I understood your first post and would have been sad if you would have taken it offline - though I did and still have not seen the picture it refers to, but think it is such an important statement you made there.
    I have an for others absolutely harmless trigger point I came along in the RA fandom. It took me a while to calm down and to recognize it did not mean for others what I read into it. But each mentioning of 'MF' gets me and I saw that I did not burry my late work experiences as well as I had thought.
    So, while I think, fandom can actively try to avoid trigger points for others, I also am aware that this is not always possible. For all others, MF just means Martin Freeman, for me unfortunately not.
    The consequence of my discovery of my open vulnerability was, that I started to working and admitting my work experiences more actively back into my life, while I had tried to cover and forget them. They are a part of me, even an important part, as they brought me to the point in life where I am now. They also in a way brought me into RA fandom, which I in all likelyhood never would have discovered without the experiences I had made and the change they had brought to my life.

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    1. Thank you for your kind comment, CDoart. The only strength I have is my willingness to be vulnerable and that's a risk I take on here. While that opens me to attack every once in a while it also gives me the sensitivity to extend grace to other people in moments when they are vulnerable. Sometimes we see the fandom in a mirror and we think that everyone else is just like us or would be if we could just convince them to be. It's not really like that, though, and there are a lot more at risk people out there than you (general you) might think.

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    2. One of the thing that's been most gratifying to me about the whole fandom experience is in fact what it teaches about what's "normal" or "just like us" or whatever -- that I shouldn't assume my reaction to something is the standard one -- which paradoxically legitimates rather than threatens my reactions. It's a long journey, though.

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  5. Hi, jazzy- just dropping by during a lull. Everyone is so cryptic. I have no idea what you're referring to, though I've scanned previous posts. Am I missing something here?

    Much respect from me for what you stand for.

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    1. Thank you for stopping by, pi, I'm always happy to hear from you. Put as vaguely as I can because I don't want to trigger anyone else RA made a suicide joke during an interview this week and it triggered me and several other people. I can't point to a specific place you might find it because I've unsubscribed from places that posted it.

      You didn't ask this but I keep getting messages about this so I'm going to say this here: I'm not angry at Richard Armitage. I think he's probably at heart a kind man who wouldn't go out of his way to hurt anyone nor do I think that anyone in this community set out to hurt me. It just happened that this week two communities that I'm part of intersected in a painful way. The Armitage Army is optional. The bereaved community is one I have more than a passing familiarity with and I'm part of it whether I want to be or not. I've used the tag "de los muertos" on 13 out of 367 posts and some of those losses have been more difficult to reconcile than others. Part of what I'm trying to do here is look at those losses in a way that's productive for me and if that helps anyone else then good. This is not a Richard Armitage blog though I do talk about him and at some point I might again but that's up to me

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  6. Okay, I still don't get it, but I do understand triggers. Pax. Thanks for the explanation. It makes me glad I don't use social media except for blogs.

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  7. Dear Jazzy,
    Thank you for the explanation. I was in the dark too. I am sorry that you had such a traumatic experience in your life. I think understand what you are saying - and certainly you have a right to your opinions.
    I appreciate your openness. Please keep posting about whatever you wish!

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Thanks for commenting!