Sunday, November 17, 2013

Cocktail Challenge? Seriously?

Oh, Mr. Armitage, you have done it now. Challenging us to come up with a Thorin cocktail, are you out of your mind? Dude, I can barely type the word but you asked nicely so I guess I'm in.

See, the thing about cocktails (you'll have to excuse my inner twelve-year-old snickering in the background) is that I don't take them seriously. I only ever drank the ones with vaguely suggestive names. Or disgusting ones, like Brains. Bloody Brains? Even better! I either drink Bourbon or Yeungling.

However, you did ask nicely, so here goes. I haven't come up with a name for it yet but I'm sure I'll think of something.

1. Pour a shot of Goldschlager. Watch the gold flakes with such intensity that you scare those around you. Move on.

2. In a tall glass over ice mix gin and the Blood of Your Enemies. Every. Single. One. Orc? Yes. Dragon? Yes. That chick who stood you up for prom? Okay, maybe not her, she probably didn't survive Smaug in the first place. Add a dash of the Disapproval of Elves (or bitters, your choice) and garnish with an Elk antler.

3. Look at that mess. Get really hacked off and throw it all on the floor.

4. Pay for damages.

5. Order the glass of wine you wanted to begin with.

So there it is. Still no name yet but I'm open to suggestions. Anyone? I'll split the prize if I win. What is the prize, anyway?


  1. As you naming your drink "process"? Ha! Hmmmm.

    How about:
    1) The Unexpected Journey to the drink you really want;
    2) The Smaug of Someliers
    3) Back Again at the Bar for some more

    1. Process drinks are always funny to watch, like the one where you light the shot and drop it into a beer...Flaming Depth Charge, I think? And Blow Jobs were always funny to do because someone always had whipped cream running down their chin when it was over. :) I really like the first one you came up with, it's definitely in the running. Thanks, Grati!

  2. The main thing I have to say about Thorin cocktails is that Thorin should avoid cocktails. But if he has to have one it should one liqueur in it for each dwarf. It's only fair.

    1. I think I see Thorin as more a hard cider or dark beer dwarf but I didn't live in his boots for a year so what do I know? Which twelve liquers would you choose and what would you call it? If it were me I'd call it a night after the first few sips.

  3. I think Armitage's said a dwarf's favorite alcohol is room temperature ale. In which case Samuel Smith's Nut Brown is a great choice and widely available ...

    I don't know liqueurs well enough to name 12. Well, let me see. Galliano, Creme de Menthe, Kahlua, Fernet Branca, Sambuca, J├Ągermeister, Creme de Cacao, Averna, Ramazotti, ... that might be my whole list ...

  4. I'm trying to remember the name of the honey liquer Jagermeister also makes. It's pretty tasty as I remember.

  5. Ooh, my cocktail suggestion didn't take. So here it is again:

    A Roarin Thorin:
    Gin, rum, Vodka, and Tequila (like a Long Island Iced Tea), then add pineapple juice for extra kick. Ha!


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