Okay, so the jury's been out for me on whether to believe Armitage when he says he has no experience with being stoned because it can be difficult to tell when he's putting us on. That could be mischief in his eyes or it could be camera glare, you never know. Based on the Mirkwood sequence that I saw last night I'm coming down on the side of boyfriend has never smoked pot and apparently neither has anyone else involved with The Desolation of Smaug. I, however, spent a good portion of my twenties baked to the gills (I know, you're all shocked, smelling salts are on the table under the Cheetos) so I'm going to Netpick here a little bit.
1. The soundtrack. I love the music for these movies but c'mon. If you want me to believe the dwarves were stoned we need some Pink Floyd. Apparently I have to wait for the DVD and sync it up with Dark Side of the Moon myself which is just poor planning on your part, Warner Bros.
2. The lack of conspiracy discussions. They did paranoid just fine but, I mean, like, this Arkenstone thing, like, what if, like, it's Smaug's egg or something, and he or she, 'cause, like, I mean, have you ever seen a dragon wang? You know some cultures, like, they use powdered dragon wang as, like, an aphrodisiac, right? What were we talking about?
3. No giggling. Really? You get that's how being stoned works, right? It makes you mellow and giggly and gives you the munchies? The only one who smiled at all was Bilbo when he was surrounded by butterflies that, regrettably, did NOT morph into Cool Ranch Doritos.
4. The violence. Stoners aren't violent. The thing that Dwalin did the many times with his fists? Uh, no. Chill out, dude. Smoke a bowl.
5. The paranoia. I said up there somewhere that they did paranoia just fine and while, yes, they did it didn't go far enough. You know how sometimes you kind of vaguely wonder if your life really is like The Truman Show? This is not an idle thought for most stoners I have known or been. There always comes a point in stoner conversations, between the Beatles/Klaatu discussion and what really happened at Roswell, that covers exactly how much we're being watched all the time. If the dwarves were truly stoned they'd have noticed the cameras following them.
Okay so stoned? I'm saying no. A bad trip? I'd say yes but my tripping experience is limited to over my own two feet and tryptophan-induced hallucinations. Anyone else have any ideas about what they stumbled into there? Comments are open.